i am not ashamed.

Things have been awesome lately school is finally over for winter break, its snowing, Christmas is next week and I'm going on a mini vacation...life is pretty sweet right now. I've never had a Spanish Christmas before and I'm about to see what that's like next week. Things at home have been doing a lot better and I'm really thankful for the people i have in my life right now. There is something I need to get off my chest that I've been wanting to say for a while so if you guys ever read this which you probably wont cause you don't know i have one of these things...I'm not who I used to be. I'm not the same kid you met 3 years ago I've changed drastically in my eyes for the better. I've grown. I've matured but yet you guys have stayed the same as you were when i first met you. I'm not trying to start anything or put you guys down but honestly grow up... please. I've told you I've changed my view on things and you completely ignore it and disregard it as if I'm still the same person i was 3 years back. You guys wonder why i never answer to you anymore or why we never talk its because i see this as disrespect yeah in the beginning I thought to myself...okay this is going to take some time to get used to for them because they're not used to having a christian friend around. I understand that, but its been way too long and you guys just seem like you don't care. I wish the best to you guys and I'm going to keep praying every night... I really hope you find yourselves sometime soon but as of now im gonna go my way and you guys can go your way because I've been down that road before and nothing good came out of it.

Day Seven.

This past month has been crazy between all the papers and finals coming up and the ending of school and christmas my heads been in a billion different places. I caught myself drifting away from God this month...a lot and I'm glad i caught it now before it gets any worse. Aside from that now that I'm back on track lifes been pretty sweet I've met new people and I've been really happy. One thing I really have to work on is anger I've caught myself punching and breaking things a lot more than usual who could be the cause to all of this violence you ask? the women I came out of...my mother. She's been very edgy with everything lately probably because of the holidays. I think so. I just can't wait to get away from this house when christmas comes along I really just need a vacation, a change of environment for a week...that's all. Alright well back to typing more essays <3.

Day Six.

Yo so I just had the craziest experience while reading. So before I started reading I sat in silence for about 2 minutes and prayed to God that when I open this bible he will point my finger to what I need to adjust in my life. I read it and was amazed at how accurate it was. Problem being...I need to slow down and take 10 steps back and let God direct me in the direction HE wants me to go not where I want to go. I learned I cant do things on my own the hard way and suffered as a result. I also need to give my mom more credit...sometimes she makes me want to break tables in half and kick babies. I have to grasp the fact that she's my mom and no matter how irrational she is, she is still going to be my mom. From what I read it said "He who assaults his father and drives his mother away is a SHAMEFUL and DISGRACEFUL son." These problems need to be adjusted right away because no matter how annoyed I get with her because of her irrational decisions or responses I still love her. The fighting needs to stop NOW. I was never close with my mom and now is the perfect time to start we are always at each others throats and it has to stop because God forbid one day she doesn't come back home from work or I don't make it back from school or work I wouldn't want our last words to be "Okay mom whatever bye." Changes need to be made. I need to learn to grasp more patience with her and take a deep breath before I talk to her. This can be a start to a beautiful friendship.

Day Five. (more like 50)

So it has been a while since I wrote and honestly I forgot how great it was up until now. From the beginning I said I wouldn't keep up with this thing and my point was proven cause it's been like 50 days since my last post. This is all about to change because now I am going to set aside time to write. Everything lately has been great with the exceptions of a few road bumps but God has helped me get over them. I haven't really been up-to-date with reading but I have been talking to God a lot more lately it all started last week where I was home doing my homework and I got this feeling like someone was telling me to get up and go outside and walk so I did. In that walk I took the time to talk to God I literally spent an hour just walking to and from a park and once I got to the park I sat down on the bleachers and just overlooked the scenery and embraced its beauty. It's amazing to think that God created this beautiful earth for our selfish, inhumane race. It's amazing to thing that He created the beautiful trees, the elegant skies, and illuminating grass. I have felt so close to God other than at retreats but that is like a getaway from the troubles at home(reality) it's like a paradise you never want to leave but once you get home you realize it was all a dream because you wake up and get sucked back into reality. I took the time to actually tell God that I loved Him and I am so grateful that I was saved and that He is in my life because if it wasn't for that certain someone I honestly question myself to this day where would I be or if I would still be here. Yeah guys I cried so what. Do something. But anyways I can't wait to continue these walks with God and become a stronger and better christian in the process. Each day has just been getting better and better and I strive for more.

Day Four.

Today was honestly one of the best days I've had in such a long time. School was okay but once i got out things just started getting so much better. I went to lifegroup today for the first time and I got so much out of it probably cause I was more interactive with my group then usual but seriously it made my day on top of it I have an amazing girlfriend to share my relationship with God with and it makes me so happy. I am so grateful that God has put these amazing people in my life because without them i probably would have never found God and I would have still been continuing the bad habits I used to do. Ight so I'm hella tired and ima have to continue this tomorrow or something. God bless.

Day Three.

What a day. School was fine and i followed everything i read yesterday in my Experiencing God book and it has worked my stress level has gone down greatly and things are really taking a turning point for the better. So I went to Oh, Sleeper, Architects, BMTH, and ETID show today and honestly it made me realize how far the music has gone down the drain. Oh Sleeper was amazing but nobody appreciated them like I did because all the cared about was hurting people and proving who was the tougher guy. I love music it's everything to me but people are ruining it for me I'm trying so hard not to bash on people on here and not to start anything because its not worth it and I'm better than that. Back two years from now I used to love shows and always look forward to going to them but as time went on the shows started to get eh to me for example today great bands I love to see but quite frankly I wouldn't have complained if I did not go because of the people there. All anyone wants to do these days is get in fights and stick to their cliques and start conflict. Seems to me that everyone forgot what to main purpose of going to a show was and that is to enjoy the music have fun but now its just BREAKDOWN IMA PUNCH YO FACE! iunno I guess I'm the only one that feels this way but I just had to get that off my chest. Other than that today was a great day.

Day Two.

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."-Matthew 6: 33-34. That verse really had an impact on me because lately I have been trying to deal with stress and other things on my own and never let God take the wheel so from now on I'm going to take that step back and go in the passenger seat while God drives me in the right direction. So I got this book Experiencing God today and it is quite amazing. Lately I have been falling back and haven't been giving God the attention he deserves. I have been letting school and work get in the way of that and I never set out that time to just sit and read and pray but because of this book it has made me remember that God always has my back and is always going to be there for me no matter what I have done in the past he is always going to love me. I made myself a little schedule now and God is number one on it and it is something I am going to abide by and progress each day and lucky for you, you get to see me progress. I am actually hella tired right now so Ima get in some jammies and do the sleep thing. Goodnight. God bless.